Lavi, Allen, and the Purple Box
by nolongeractivesorry
Summary: Lavi and Allen are friends with Kanda, but they both know that the samurai can annoy the hell out of them sometimes. And Lavi happens to have a box of makeup and a camera on hand. Obviously, what happened next was inevitable.


Because I've been such a terrible updater lately, I thought I'd go ahead and submit another story for you guys :)

Thanks for all the support on my Laven story~! This has slight hints of Yullen... sort of... if you squint really, REALLY hard. Sorry. I wrote this when I didn't like yaoi D:

Enjoy~!

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><p><strong>Lavi, Allen, and the purple box<strong>

"Allen! Allen, wait up!" Lavi called, jogging to catch up with the white haired boy.

"Oh, hi, Lavi. What's up?" Allen asked, then noticed a small, violet box tucked under Lavi's arm. "And what is that?" Lavi grinned widely and Allen immediately became uneasy.

"You'll never believe what a genius I am!"

"Yeah, you're right, that _is _something that I wouldn't believe."

"Don't be mean, Allen. This box holds the secrets to humiliation, disgrace, and for us, _revenge,_" Lavi said, rubbing his hands eagerly.

Allen stared blankly at him. "Revenge?"

"Yes, Allen, revenge. I'm so glad someone left this in the hall. This prank has never occurred to me before!" Lavi said excitedly.

"Ohhhh, a prank. Who are we pranking?"

"Allen, think carefully, who is the one person you'd like to prank to get revenge?"

"…That's a long list, Lavi."

"Really? I thought it'd only be one person…"

"Well, there is my master because, you know, he's pretty much a drunk, woman-crazy, scum-sucking jerk."

"…You really hate him, don't you?"

"No, really?" Allen said sarcastically. Lavi sighed and shook his head pityingly.

"Go on."

"Well, there's Komui. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him, but he's set TWO crazy robots on me, gotten an _octopus_ stuck on my head, and done countless other insane things. I'd really like to see that stuff happen to _him,_ so I guess that would be revenge."

"Fair enough."

"And there's _you,_ Lavi, because of all the times you've called me a bean sprout," Allen said furiously. Lavi shrugged.

"It suits you."

"It does not!" Allen screeched indignantly.

"Sure, sure, whatever makes you happy. Lie to yourself, I don't care."

Allen gnashed his teeth, but continued as if Lavi hadn't replied.

"And the Noah. I don't think I really have to explain to you why I hate them," Allen said. Lavi grinned.

"I can't really think of anyone el-" Allen froze midsentence. His eyes narrowed. "Well, then, of course, there's _Kanda,_" he said murderously.

"Bingo!" Lavi crowed. "Someone give the boy a prize!" Allen's eyes widened.

"How are we going to get away with pranking _Kanda?_ We're gonna get murdered!" Allen cried.

"He'll never know it was us," Lavi said proudly.

"What?"

"Cause we're gonna prank him when he's _sleeping_," Lavi said, wiggling his eyebrows. Allen stared at Lavi blankly for a moment, then grinned widely.

"Okay, I'm on board. What are we doing?" Allen asked eagerly.

Lavi opened the box and Allen stared uncomprehendingly at the contents.

"Makeup," Lavi said proudly. Allen's face spread into an evil smile

"Oh my god," Allen said gleefully. "This is going to be awesome!"

*~11 pm that night~*

"We look like ninjas!" Lavi whispered happily. Allen nodded.

"This is so awesome! I feel like I'm in a ninja movie! Can we, like, get some ninja stars and ninja masks too?" Lavi asked and Allen shook his head fiercely.

"No. Calm down, Lavi," he scolded. The redhead bounced happily.

"But this is so fun! I wanna be in a ninja movie some day! It would be so fun to wear these clothes all the time! Who needs a crappy Exorcist coat when you have an awesome ninja outfit?" Lavi said excitedly. Allen mentally slapped his forehead.

"Lavi. You're being hyper. How many cups of coffee did you have today?" Allen asked sarcastically.

"Seven," Lavi said honestly. Allen swore quietly.

"Well, keep quiet, or you're gonna give us away," Allen whispered as they paused in front of Kanda's door.

"Now, how are we going to get in…? OOH I COULD JUST USE MY AWESOME NINJA SKILLS AND BREAK DOWN THE DOOR!" Lavi exclaimed. Allen slapped the red-haired teen upside the head.

"Shut up or he'll hear us! And I doubt he'd sleep through you breaking down the door," Allen muttered. Lavi looked disappointed.

"Oh… Good point... Wait. I have an idea! Do you know how to pick a lock?" Lavi asked. Allen nodded.

"I used to pick the lock on my master's box he kept his money in. He rarely fed me, and when it got to be too much, I'd steal money," Allen said with a creepy grin. Lavi looked uneasy.

"The back-story was unnecessary," he said nervously as he eyed the evil expression Allen wore whenever he recalled his dark past. "But go on. Pick the lock." Allen snapped out of it and shook his head to rid his thoughts of his troubled childhood.

"Is there a bobby pin in the makeup box?"

Lavi opened it, took out a small, black pin, and handed it to Allen. Silently, Allen started working on the lock. After a few minutes, there was a soft click and Allen eased the door open. The boys crept inside, careful not to make a sound. They eyed the filthy tiles, broken window, and ratty wallpaper with disgust.

"Wow, he need's to get this place redecorated. It's so depressing," Lavi said in a whisper and Allen nodded. Then they spotted Kanda.

He was asleep in bed, his hair fanned out on his pillow, and his expression blank and tranquil. The two boys stared at him with wonder.

"He doesn't look murderous," Lavi said with shock painted on his face. "Like… he almost looks… how can I put it… peaceful…?"

Allen nodded numbly.

"Well. I'd say he's not exactly _peaceful _when he's _conscious _so let's get on with it," Allen said, snapping out of the shock of seeing Kanda in a non-I'm-gonna-kill-you-with-my-scary-sword-you-stupid-bean-sprout mood.

Lavi nodded, opened the box, and quietly dumped the contents onto the table in the room. Suddenly, Lavi froze.

"Uh, _Allen?_" he said uncertainly.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever put makeup on anyone before?"

They were silent.

"Oh, crap," Lavi muttered.

Allen shrugged it off and tried to put on a positive face. "No big deal. How hard can it be?"

~20 minutes later~

"He looks like a _clown!_" Lavi said in a furious whisper.

"Looking like a clown is just as bad as looking like a girl," Allen pointed out, but Lavi huffed angrily.

"We're starting over," the redhead muttered.

"No!" Allen whispered firmly.

Lavi looked angry. "But I was looking forward to seeing him look like a girl! He has the long hair and everything!" he whined. Then he spotted an hourglass with a lotus inside it.

"A flower!" Lavi exclaimed.

"Shhh," Allen hissed. "He'll wake up!"

Lavi hurried over to the table. "If we put this in his hair, he might look more girly!" Lavi whispered excitedly. He started banging the hourglass on the table, trying to break it so he could use the blossom.

"What the hell are you doing?" Allen whispered. "Be quiet! You'll wake him up and we'll be dead meat!"

Lavi ignored him. "It won't break," he said with frustration. "What kind of stupid glass is this?" He threw it on the ground. There was a loud _"clunk",_ as the firm glass bounced off the stones. Kanda rolled over in his sleep and yawned.

"_You idiot!_" Allen whispered furiously. Lavi grabbed the purple box and both of them dove under the bed.

The bedsprings creaked as Kanda sat up, looked around, rubbed his eyes, then flopped back into bed and fell asleep again. He mumbled something that sounded like "Gonna kill you" and fell silent. Typical Kanda, killing people in his dreams.

"That was a close one," Allen murmured.

"At least we have awesome ninja reflexes!" Lavi said cheerfully and Allen rolled his eyes. They crawled out from under the bed.

"Aw, crap," Allen moaned when he saw Kanda's face.

"Yes!" Lavi whispered, jumping happily at his victory. "Now we _have _to start over."

"Of course when he rubbed his eyes he just _had_ to smear his makeup," Allen complained.

Lavi wiped off all the makeup and pulled the box out again. This time, the boys were a little more successful. At least he looked more like a girl and less like a circus freak. Allen whipped out a camera and started taking pictures. Lavi grinned and plucked each photo that spewed out of the camera as Allen snapped them from different angles.

"Oh, this is good," Lavi said evilly, grinning at the snapshots. They had completely made over Kanda. His hair was braided and there was a pink, flower barrette pinning back his bangs. (Lavi found it in the box the second time they put makeup on him.) He was wearing blue eye shadow, powder that made his face starkly white, bright red lipstick, and pink splotches of blush on each cheek. Allen and Lavi slapped high fives. They silently slipped out of Kanda's room, wearing identical evil grins.

But they still had a lot of work to do. They had to tape all the pictures to the walls all over headquarters."This is going to be a long night," Lavi sighed. Allen nodded, but he was still grinning.

"But it'll be worth it," he smirked. They shared a "We are such evil geniuses" look before they dug out a roll of tape and started by sticking a picture right on Kanda's door.

~9:00 AM the next morning~

Kanda yawned, sat up, and stretched. He moved his hand to brush his bangs out of his face, but realized they weren't hanging in his face. He touched his forehead, frowning, and felt something covering his skin… dust? He gently rubbed his forehead and looked at his finger. It had white dust on it. His room wasn't _that _filthy, was it?

Wait… this wasn't dust… white powder? This looked like the stuff Lenalee wore.

It couldn't be. He threw open his door and raced to the men's bathroom. He froze when he saw his reflection in the mirror.

There were smears of blue makeup on his eyes, patches of pink on his cheeks, and his lips were painted a deep, shiny red. His whole face was covered with foundation so pale it made him look like a fucking porcelain doll. A _DOLL. _

He roared with anger and washed off all of the makeup with cold water, rubbing his face furiously. Then he yanked the flower clip out of his hair (ow) and his long bangs fell in his face as he quickly undid the braid.

"Who the hell put makeup on me while I was fucking sleeping?" he growled to no one in particular, seeing as the bathroom was empty. He was pulling his hair up into a high ponytail when something on the wall caught his eye. He finished tying his hair up with a rubber band and took a closer look. He recoiled with horror when he realized what he was looking at it.

_It was a picture of him. __**With the makeup on.**_

He yelled with fury and tore down the picture. But when he entered the hall again, he found himself facing even _more_ pictures on the walls that he hadn't noticed in his hurry to the bathroom.

Fuming, he tore those down too. But he soon discovered that every part of headquarters was covered with his embarrassing photographs. He took down as many as he could, but they were everywhere he looked. When people passed him in the hall, they snickered and pointed. His natural, murderous, revenge-hungry anger then decided it would be the perfect moment to kick in.

"Whoever did this is going to pay _big time,_" he snarled as he passed Allen and Lavi. In his peripheral vision, he saw them exchange a smirk and noticed they had a definite spring in their step.

_Well, finding who did it wasn't too hard,_ Kanda thought, cracking his knuckles menacingly. Then he wheeled around and Allen and Lavi froze, their backs turned to him.

"You bastards are _dead,_" he spat and Allen and Lavi exchanged a terrified look. Then the two expert makeup artists started sprinting as fast as they could away from the furious samurai.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!" he bellowed and took off after them.

I'll spare you the nasty details, but let's just say all three of them were in the infirmary that afternoon. Lavi had a lot of nasty gashes and bruises. Allen had a black eye, serious cuts that covered his whole body, and a broken wrist. Kanda had a bunch of bruises, open wounds oozing blood, and a couple broken bones from falling out a window. (Don't ask.)

"Well," Lavi said brightly, breaking the heavy silence between the three injured teenagers. "That prank went well," he said. Allen and Kanda stared at him. "Everyone thinks that Kanda is a gay guy with a crazy temper," Lavi clarified. "Well, I guess they already knew about that stuff anyways," he said thoughtfully. Kanda made a move to leap up from his bed and knock Lavi's teeth in, but the head nurse stepped in and roughly shoved him back on his bed. Lavi sighed with relief.

"Once I'm fully healed, I'm seriously going to kill you idiots," Kanda muttered.

"As if," Allen scoffed.

"You wanna go?" Kanda challenged.

"Bring it," Allen taunted. Kanda leapt out of bed and Allen hopped out of his too. Allen activated crowned clown and Kanda drew his sword. They both started at each other, but froze as their semi-healed wounds split and started gushing blood. They both collapsed, gasping with pain.

"Maybe… later…" Allen panted, pressing on his bleeding wounds and wincing.

"Yeah," Kanda muttered and clutched his broken arm as scarlet liquid seeped from his already-blood-soaked bandages.

"You guys are really the best of friends," Lavi said sarcastically as he observed the two boys sprawled on the floor.

"Shut the hell up, Lavi," they said together. Lavi smirked at them as the nurse walked in again.

"What happened?" she cried, aghast at the boys crumpled on the floor.

Kanda and Allen shared a look and looked up innocently. (Or as innocent as they can look, anyways.)

"Lavi did it," they said simultaneously and the head nurse's glare settled on red-haired boy.

"What?" Lavi cried.

"Come with me, _young man_," the nurse growled.

"But, but I didn't do it! They're lying! They're-" he sputtered as the nurse dragged him by his ear to a separate room. Kanda and Allen grinned at each other when they heard Lavi yells of pain and stammering protests muffled by the closed door.

"You know, you're not so bad," Allen said thoughtfully. Kanda shrugged.

"You're not so bad either, _bean sprout,_" Kanda smirked. Allen's face contorted with anger.

And you can imagine how _that _went down… in flames.

_..._Literally.

**Trust me. You don't want to know. **

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><p>I wrote this a long time ago, but just now found it among all my other fail -man fanfictions that I'm too ashamed to put up here XD<p>

I hope you liked it~! Reviews would make me really happy :D


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